Abuse

     Many people speak statements of values to themselves such as "It is OK for my partner to (fill in abuse) if (fill in length of time in relationship or other petty excuse)." This one is so popular because people don't know what to do when they are in a committed relationship and someone treats them badly. People immediately fall into a state of denial and try to pretend that the wrong done unto them did not happen or is not as bad is it really is.

      First off, if someone does not respect you even for a second you should leave them immediately. The statement should go, "I have incredible pride and respect for myself. If my partner ever did anything to harm me mentally or physically in any way they would be kicked out of my life immediately." The problem is that people say, "No, you've got it all wrong. I don't think that abusive behavior is acceptable. I tell him/her so but they eventually do it again." Actions truly speak louder than words. One's action to stay after receiving any form of abuse has occurred, even the slightest insult is the same as saying, "The abuse you have acted out on me is acceptable. This is evident in that I remain here with you, the person who lacks respect for me and not one of the multitudes who have not harmed me."

      The fact is that anyone can find a partner that will treat them with the utmost respect. Anyone who chooses an abusive mate, a neglectful mate, any mate that brings harm into their life mentally or physically is a masochist. Sure, the abuser is to blame but you must also blame yourself if you stick around to receive the abuse again and again. A better mate lies right under your nose- there are good people everywhere. To remain with a less than exceptional mate is masochism. You are choosing abuse over real love, plain and simple. To say that you stay for monetary reasons, the children, or for any other excuse is a blatant sign that you lack respect for yourself.

      Protest may rise up after reading those last lines. If enough people hold the same self-destructive values, individuals will be likely to apply the same toxic standards to their own lives. People may say, "Have you ever heard of forgiveness?" To forgive or not forgive can be a difficult decision. Each instance must be weighed individually. Forgiveness is given too liberally in this Christian saturated culture. Forgiveness given infinitely breeds corruption. The animal mind in humans is finely tuned to share and care for others when punishment is an ominous threat for causing harm. With rules set up and enforced, peace and mutual altruism flourishes. Without rules, corruption and vice flourishes. For whatever reason a person allows another to abuse them, whether that be acts of physical harm, hurtful words, lying, cheating, stealing, etc. forgiveness only invites more abuse or mistreatment. The likelihood that someone will continue to abuse or mistreat another is highly linked to their belief that they will go unpunished for that act.

      If an individual makes it known that they do not believe that they can find anyone else that will want them outside of their abusive relationship, they invite abuse in that the abuser treats the other like a trapped rabbit waiting to be torn apart by a hungry wolf. If a friend acts like they will not be able to find another friend they invite mistreatment (though one should never lower themselves to be around someone who takes advantage of this). Forgiveness only works if, also in place, is a threat that forgiveness will cease if the mistreatment occurs again. The likelihood is that a person does not offer forgiveness out of pure good will but likely lacks the belief that they are good enough to find another friend or lover. Out of fear of being alone they forgive the one who caused the mistreatment or abuse, exaggerating the good qualities that the person has in order to cover up the truth. This person may forgive if the wrong was not too severe but should not allow another instance of the wrong to occur. If this does occur the friend or lover severely lacks respect for the individual and should be severed from their life. Statements praising overflowing forgiveness should be trashed in exchange for those that praise a balance of forgiveness. Speak aloud this following quote and let the words take grasp in your heart:

"I have a standard firm and unbreakable for the quality of my friends and lovers. This ensures that I have people that I trust and care for around me. I have no time for people who lack respect for me. To allow others to mistreat me is masochism. The world is full of wonderful people. I swear to myself that I will only allow people close to me if they have my best interests at heart."