It is so odd to find a person's standards so different from your own. You may almost forget how different people lead their lives than you lead your own. Some people are better at saving money than you, for instance. They, by their actions may say, "Never spend more than $X on food, $X on entertainment..." By these rules they manage to secure an extra sum of money at the end of each month. With such statements of values, whether they are purely through your actions or words "spoken" in your head, you may lead a more productive life.
Other such positive/beneficial statements of values include such statements as "I exercise at least three times a week; I have strict standards for the quality of company I keep; I do not let people take advantage of me in any way; I do not let anyone to degrade my self-esteem; I give my all to ensure that I give myself the best each day." At the very least make each of these statements the base from which you invent your own standards. Living up to such statements will keep you pure and strong. This is the path in which pride will be your companion.
Circumstances in life cause people to lower their standards. The fact is, there is no reason to expect less. Before every person on Earth lies failure and fulfillment. It is up to each individual to get up and take whichever path they desire. It seems so bizarre being a bystander to another's life and seeing them deliberately choosing failure but it occurs the majority of the time. People follow each other like lemmings to destruction, to a life of misery.
Many people speak statements of values to themselves such as "It is OK for my partner to (fill in abuse) if (fill in length of time in relationship or other petty excuse)." This one is so popular because people don't know what to do when they are in a committed relationship and someone treats them badly. First off, if someone does not respect you even for a second you should leave them immediately. The statement should go, "I have incredible pride and respect for myself. If my partner ever did anything to harm me mentally or physically in any way they would be kicked out of my life immediately." The problem is that people say, "No, you've got it all wrong. I don't think that abusive behavior is acceptable. I tell him/her so but they eventually do it again." Actions truly speak louder than words. Ones action to stay after receiving any form of abuse has occurred, even the slightest insult is the same as saying, "The abuse you have acted out on me is acceptable. This is evident in that I remain here with you, the person who lacks respect for me and not one of the multitudes who have not harmed me."
The fact is that anyone can find a partner that will treat them with the utmost respect. To choose an abusive mate, a neglectful mate, any mate that rings harm into your life mentally or physically is a masochist. Sure, the abuser is to blame but you must also blame yourself if you stick around to receive the abuse again and again. A better mate lies right under your nose- there are good people everywhere. To remain with a less than expectational mate is masochism. You are choosing abuse over real love, plain and simple. To say that you stay for monetary reasons, the children, or for any other excuse is a blatant sign that you lack respect for yourself.
Protest may rise up after reading those last lines. If enough people hold the same self-destructive values, individuals will be likely to apply the same toxic standards to their own lives. People may say, "Have you ever heard of forgiveness?" To forgive or not forgive can be a difficult decision. Each instance must be weighed individually. Forgiveness is given too liberally in this Christian-saturated culture. Forgiveness given infinitely breeds corruption. The animal mind in humans is finely tuned to share and care for others when punishment is an ominous threat for causing harm. With rules set up and enforced peace and mutual altruism flourishes. Without rules corruption and vice flourishes. For whatever reason a person allows another to abuse them, whether that be acts of physical harm, hurtful words, lying, cheating, stealing, etc. forgiveness only invites more abuse or mistreatment. The likelihood that someone will continue to abuse or mistreat another is highly linked to their belief that they will go unpunished for that act. If an individual makes it known that they do not believe that they can find anyone else that will want them outside of their abusive relationship, they invite abuse in that the abuser treats the other like a trapped rabbit waiting to be torn apart by a hungry wolf. If a friend acts like they will not be able to find another friend they invite mistreatment (though one should never lower themselves to be around someone who take advantage of this). Forgiveness only works if the threat that forgiveness will cease if the mistreatment occurs again. The likelihood is that a person does not offer forgiveness out of pure good will but likely lacks the belief that they are good enough to find another friend or lover. Out of fear of being alone they forgive the one who caused the mistreatment or abuse, exaggerating the good qualities that the person has in order to cover up the truth. This person may forgive if the wrong was not too severe but should not allow another instance of the wrong to occur. If this does occur the friend or lover severely lacks respect for the individual and should be severed from their life. Statements praising overflowing forgiveness should be trashed in exchange for those that praise a balance of forgiveness. Speak aloud this following quote and let the words take grasp in your heart:
"I have a standard firm and unbreakable for the quality of my friends and lovers. This ensures that I have people that I trust and care for around me. I have no time for people who lack respect for me. To allow others to mistreat me is masochism. The world is full of wonderful people. I swear to myself that I will only allow people close to me if they have my best interests at heart."
Other statements that people declare concerning their values are "Addiction to (fill in food, drugs, etc.) is fine if (fill in excuse); it is OK to date a drug dealer if (fill in excuse); it is OK to date an addict if (fill in excuse); it is OK is I gain X pounds because (fill in excuse); it is OK if I give up my life dream because (fill in excuse); etc. It goes on and on. The statements above should go, "Addiction is lazy/self-destructive. I will never cause myself harm in that way; it is never OK to date a drug dealer. I will not allow myself into that world and open myself to that chaos and danger; it is never OK to date an addict of any type whether they be a drug addict, an alcoholic, a gambling addict, etc. They will only harm he and bring trouble to my life. I respect myself more than that; I will never allow myself to become overweight for whatever reason, be it depression, overeating do to boredom, or marriage related weight gain (you know who you are)."
Here is declarative statement that women should live by if they ever have a baby (obviously different women will have varying abilities to lose and keep off weight. The overall message is just to do your best.):
"If I gain weight from childbirth I will lose the weight in haste. I know excess weight will cause me to lose confidence and will harm my health. I deserve to be healthy and happy."
Here is a statement about fulfilling your dreams:
"I will live my life dream to completion and beyond. I will not sacrifice that for a spouse, a child, or any other family member. I will not neglect either my loved ones or my dreams. Money is no trade for fulfillment. If anyone does not offer support for my dream they do not respect me. If anyone does not respect the fact that I need time to practice and study to complete my dream they do not respect me."
This last subject is a tricky one. If someone is dedicated to fulfilling a dream then ideally they should be single in order to devote required amount of time to excel at the craft. If they are in a relationship they should not neglect their partner in devoting an inordinate time to their craft. Likewise if the person with the dream is not neglecting their partner they should be given ample time to focus on their craft in peace. If the person with the dream has children, the children should be well taken care of. If one creates children then they should take responsibility for them. The craft must come after them.
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